Have you ever caught yourself defending a behavior with “that’s just who I am”? It’s a phrase we use when we’re deeply attached to aspects of our identity, often without realizing how much that attachment might be limiting us.
We all develop attachments to certain identities. Maybe you’re “the responsible one,” “the creative rebel,” or “the person who never changes their mind.” These identities can feel safe and comfortable, like well-worn paths we’ve traveled a thousand times. But when we grip them too tightly, they become invisible prisons rather than authentic expressions of who we are.
I witnessed this struggle firsthand with a client who refused to adapt how she communicated with her team despite consistent feedback. “I’m just direct. That’s my style,” she insisted. Her attachment to this identity was creating friction and limiting her effectiveness, but letting go felt like a betrayal of her authentic self. What she eventually realized was that flexibility wasn’t erasing her identity, but rather it was expanding her capacity for connection and impact.
Identity isn’t fixed; it’s fluid. Recognize when attachment to “who you are” is actually holding you back from who you could become.
Is there an aspect of your identity you’re clutching so tightly that it’s preventing growth? Remember that you can honor your core values while still evolving how they’re expressed in different contexts.
2